Quarantine, self-isolation and invasive thoughts have been on loop during this oddly rewarding time. After overeating and anxiously waiting for the world to get normal -it gets old and reality hits. Moments regurgitate. The current state of the world is on loud and no longer humming the way it used to. Protests and people are revealing parts of their past experience that have been buried in order to cope. Those moments can no longer be hidden and are now being heard. Things that one should’ve spoke up on when it happened but couldn’t. I mean you still had your voice. No one pressured you physically or emotionally not to share but you felt like you couldn’t. What would cause you to shut down and smile in the face of those that oppressed or neglected you? It's a familiar and learned behavior but you can’t recall from where. You begin to reminisce until you remember the first time and that reaction is from when you were six. Say hello to your inner child.
Baby-you is coming out and about during this time because adult-you can help. Here’s how to start the healing.
Pen a letter
When going down memory lane while chasing thoughts, you can hit fast forward on a few moments that have caused some trauma. You can also talk yourself out of those memories being difficult ones and rebury them. When writing, you get to jot down every experience without judgement because even if you second guess it-it’s still on paper and still counts.
Also, when going through the feelings you feel the old wounds patching up or beginning to because you get to acknowledge the pain.
How to write it
Start with setting the tone for yourself and I mean everything that allows you to be in a calming space needs to be represented. Remember to think of what soothes you; whether that’s music, cartoons or complete silence please give your version of self-care medicine. Once the vibes are right, start with the most recent years of your life then continue until you revert into your child self. Be mindful to apologize for what caused the hurt but never to blame yourself for being there. You want to make sure to the letter speaks to what sparked that pain and be sympathetic. If you ever feel like it’s an emotion that no longer needs to be expressed just remember it’s not about the adult-you.
When to stop?
This letter is yours and for your eyes only. It’s to acknowledge what you’ve gone through and what you will put a stop to if ever similar situations reoccur. This is disheartening and exposes a lot of triggers which is therapeutic but you can stop the letter where you see fit. I say just know that it already occurred and placing it 6ft under doesn’t mean it’s gone. Give yourself time to regroup, reassess and know that you will come back when you are ready. I mean quarantine isn’t going to let up.
Now this hits different. You know your past, you wrote it and at times it resurfaces when you least expect it to; but you’ve always had the option to avoid it. Reading this out loud makes this identifiable and apart of who you are. It’s creating a power in a whole different way because you now know your pivots, downfalls, reactions and getting familiar with who you actually are. The shadow side of you is now in the sun and a daunting feeling to expose. It’s like a warning and you’re normally prone to casting it to aside but don’t. Face it, normalize it and heal from it because you’re no longer allowing that to own you.
This letter is for healing meaning it can take some time. Allow yourself to make mistakes along the way, stop it, rush through it and return to it. You make not get it completely right during the first time because it’s trauma being recognized. It’s not going to feel right because no parts of this was ever right so you will be very uncomfortable. Be sure to reread, rewrite, re-feel and forgive because that will allow you to heal.